status update: i'm not dead, just dying. overall, i'm okay.

this blog is depressing.

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Current status : Alive and a little hungry.

Current need : Wooing for Dummies.

Seriously.

To you : For the lack of a better way to put it, you break my heart everyday.

To me : Get a grip.

To Natalie Oh  : Sean needs you.

Call him now.

-beep-

It's not cheating, it's just hurtful.

Small talk big thoughts

Hello peeps.

I'm back and I swear there's no where better than home. Not even monkeys on your balcony every morning. Pangkor was alright if all you wanted to do is relax and go slow. If you're looking for adventures and night life then you might wanna check out somewhere else. I didn't enjoy the trip as much as I should have; that's my fault. 

Vacation with family = bad time for mood swings.

Been thinking alot. About you mainly. This is just one of those situations that I can't decide how I want it to end. I honestly don't know what I want. Or what you want.

Not going to elaborate just in case you read this.

Well, maybe I should make this blog private. Not like anyone reads this anyway. (Except you guys. M&N) or maybe make a special blog just for you people to know what's happening since it's so difficult for us to keep in contact. You guys are always so busy :(

That's all for now I guess.

Got to unpack and think.

Again.

I run. They run. Everybody run run.

Greetings from a very comfortable armchair, on a balcony facing the open sea, with white sandy beach filled with peacocks coming out for a leisurely stroll and hornbills that greatly resembles American vultures soaring in the sky. Yes, I'm on so called vacation with the family in Pangkor Island. So called because vacation is supposed to be relaxing, an escape from this cruel reality but it's doing the exact opposite for me. My feelings are evident with the way the weather mimics it. Malaysian weather forecast, bullshit. Time is playing a fool of me again, giving me absolutely no time when I'm desperated and too much time when I clearly wanted none. What else am I to do in an isolated island with far too much time to spare. Gosh, he just removed his shirt. I swear he's been stalking me from the moment he laid his eyes on me at the jetty. Either that or I'm unconsciously stalking him. Not difficult since we rode the same boat, bus and we're living in the same hotel. We even went to the same place for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Coincidence? ;)

No daddy, I don't want to risk my life canoeing around the island.
No daddy, I'm not in the mood to go swimming in the pouring rain.
No daddy, I refuse to appear on the news with you for attempting an illegal bungee jumping act from a coconut tree.
Yes daddy, that's a fucking 8 inches centipede.
Yes daddy, archery is it.
Yes daddy, I'm glad you don't think I'm too young to drink.

Couple infront of my face, snog somewhere else. No, not in the sea either. Damn all you happy people. I rather no feel mocked thank you.

On a not so different note,

Happy Birthday, my darling.

I hope my messages are converted well and makes up for me not being there today. I tried and you know I tried. If you won't regret it then neither will I. But I might not live up to my words. Yes, I'm pretty sure I won't.

We'll just see how it goes...

Enough.

I have been feeling really heavy these days. As if there's a boulder in my chest, weighing down on my thread like veins. It lingers at the back of my head, plotting it's next surprise attack when I'm alone; when i can no longer find something to occupy myself with;when my defence falls like dominoes. It's funny how I still feel this way, i mean we have only been through this enough for me to know what's going to happen next. Or rather, what's not going to happen. Still, it doesn't keep me from hoping that things will be different for once. That it's going to be your name on the caller ID when my phone rings.

I have a feeling that it's going to be different this time. But not in a way that you and I both know.

trypophobia

so that's what it is.

Sorry. The number you're calling is not answering. Please try again later. Thank you.

FUCKING. STORY. OF. MY. LIFE.